It is a definite exaggeration when I say that this week has been a little bit of a nightmare… Oh… My… GOD!!!
My original plan was to review a sandwich from one of those lovely supermarkets. Don’t worry, I am not going to insist we all stop using these industries of totalitarianism. I admit it would be brilliant if everyone stopped using the big supermarket companies and we all started buying our meat from a family run butcher and grew all our own tomatoes, cucumbers and basil. It’s a nice idea but lets be honest the only people who can really consider this a possibility are those who traded their common sense in for loads of spare time, land and money.
So, as I was saying, I was going to review a sandwich purchased from a supermarket and then I was told I may be made redundant. So, in trying to keep within the context of mirroring my life through sarnies, I thought maybe I could review the cheapest sandwich I could find in a supermarket and joke about the fact that this is probably the only bought sandwich I will soon be able to afford.
That seemed like a plan but then thought I could review a drive through restaurant (MacDonalds, Burger King and KFC all support this form of sandwich purchasing in the Swindon area). I did get a little excited about this because I do love a burger…
Then some twat stole the car…
That’s Ok, I hear you all shout, use your bike… Well I would but on the same day the car was stolen I was knocked from my motorbike on Swindon’s infamous Magic Round-a-bout.
And now… well not even a foot long BMT on Italian herb bread with olives, lettuce and mayonnaise would get me out of this all-I-want-to-do-is-feel-sorry-for-myself rut. My bike is totalled, my pride has been knocked and I have finally come to the conclusion that all my ranting about the fact there is no god has p!$$ed him off so much he is now getting his own back.
For those of you who do not know the Magic Round-a-bout please take a quick look on Google (here). The road system I describe is one large round-a-bout in the middle of five mini round-a-bouts. A series of lanes and confusion greets even the most confident road user the first time they stumble onto this icon of local traffic management.
My body aches from being launched into the air and landing on my back in the middle of the road. My lucky stars have well and truly been counted, recounted and then counted again just to make sure. I still do not know how I walked away from the incident.
The car has gone, my bike is going, my job is in risk of going the same way. You couldn’t make this stuff up and if you did nobody would believe you. I feel like I’ve dropped a Marks and Spencer Crayfish and Rocket and picked up a Tesco Value Egg Mayonnaise.
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